More baby updates

So it's been a very interesting past week at the orphanage. I can probably say with certainty this has been the most personally meaningful part of my trip as well as the most emotionally exhausting. I've been escaping from the storeroom since Monday and haven't looked back, enjoying spending all day with the children and learning so much more about them. So at first I was in love with the orphanage, loved what they were doing and their philosophy. Time and experience have helped reign me in a little bit, but I still do try to remind myself that they are trying. So a few things - the children change clothes twice a day. In the mornings they wear uniforms and in the afternoons they wear play clothes. The only problem is that both sets of clothes have been in circulation way too long and are always torn and dirty and ratty. Given my 8+ hours of experience in the storeroom, I know how much clean, new clothing they have. And I know, that needs to be balanced with the understanding that they don't have a ton of resources, but I mean if you have clean clothes and there is a need for them, what's the point of keeping everything packed away? Another thing is hygiene and learning about taking care of illness. The Momas just dont have time for it or don't care or don't understand. The kids never wash their hands. They are always picking up trash off the ground and putting it in their mouth. By the end of the day my pockets are filled with junk I have confiscated from little mouths. The floors are washed by hand each day but because of the ridiculous amount of dirt and dusk, and because the children walk around barefoot a lot, the floors are dirty about 25 seconds after they are cleaned. Don't even ask about the bathrooms. The beds in the girls rooms have sheets but I have no idea how often they are washed. In the boys room most beds dont have sheet and the little mattresses are placed in the sun (not washed) after they get peed on at night. In terms of health, kids will just suffer here until someone forces the management to take them to a doctor. Ever since I organized the medicine, everyone assumes I am a doctor and all the sick and hurt kids come to me. I brought some anti-bacterial spray to use on the kids because it cleans the wounds and doesn't hurt them. Regardless of how helpful I tell them it is, they use dirty cotton balls to spread painful iodine all over the kids - which results in crying kids. They also don't believe in bandaids. . . which if this was a sterile world might make sense. But this might be the least sterile place on the planet. Babies all over here are sick and the Momas always just tell me to give them something - which I won't. I refuse to just randomly give medicine to anyone, except adults. We finally convinced them to let us (Megan is a volunteer here that just came back from vacation) take three kids to the doctors, though I swear they could all go in for a checkup. One of the kids, a really really smart little boy, had a really bad infection behind his ear that was pussing and draining constantly, and ringworm. The momas tried to convince me that it happened last week but it's just not possible. He could not have bathed for an entire week without coming and crying about the pain. At first they told me to just put something on it . . . and I said no. The second, a 3 1/2 little girl, has some serious mental health issues that need to be adddressed (saw some horrific things and of course will never see a therapist) and has been very sick lately. She wets herself often and falls asleep all the time. The third, the baby, had some serious ringworm and a really bad chest cough. So off we went this morning to a village doctor. Megan and I knew ahead of time that the Mama with us did not bring any money (which brings up other issues of lack of planning or did they expect the white people to pay?) and were secretly counting our money to make sure we had enough in the event the Mama definitely didn't bring any money - which she didn't and we paid . . . I did most of the talking with the doctor and made sure I understood the diagnosis and what medicines each kid was supposed to take. When we got back I made up a daily chart for who gets what medicine and made sure the teachers knew all about it. One major highlight of the day - the one little boy tested negative for HIV. Megan and I were just kind of sitting in fear waiting to see the outcome and were SO RELIEVED when we learned he was just normal little kid sick.
So this is kind of what my days are like here. Incredible highs when playing or talking with the little kids, and incredible lows when I learn what they have been through, how long they have actually been here (some their whole lives)and an even lower low when I realize how little they are getting of what they need. It's an interesting problem, because I see so much mismanagement on the part of the adults, so how do you fix it? I met a woman whose sister raised a lot of money for this place, but having lived here for 25+ years she absolutely knew better than to just hand over money. Instead she is getting mosquito nets for each of the kids, getting running water at the camp for older kids, and some other thinsg. But she knew that if she just gave money it was all POOF disappear. And Mama (head mama) tries hard, but she is managing all of this on her own and does not know too much about the daily operations, so she misses out on so much. Like I said, I have been trying to not be too critical of the management here, but I just look around me and I see these beautiful children who just need SO MUCH. I mean, kids don't really need a lot. A little food, a little love, a little safety and a little attention. But it's clear, with how fucked up some of these children are, that their parents really had to TRY to mess them up. And that part I just can't seem to get over . . . Nights have been hard for me because I just go home and reflect and get mad and annoyed and stressed out . . . but in the end there is little I can do but love the children and fight for them while I am here. It's been a journey and I am definitely tired. ..
Love,
Ann