Arrived and Carrying On

Hi everyone. It's been almost two weeks since I got home and I've just been settling in and trying to get excited to go back to work! Today was my first day back and it's going to be a real adjustment to go back to daily responsibilities. I've been working on my photos (cut them down to around 900) and am uploading them to Snapfish. I do not have any captions or info on them yet. Also, I think you need to open a Snapfish account before you can view the pictures . . . pole sana. Please enjoy the pictures!

http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=255739767/a=164543744_164543744/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish

Orphanage Pictures II

This is little Brian, commonly called Bri-Bri. He is actually Bryson's (the baby) older brother - but no one is sure if he knows it.





These are three of the girls. They stuck to themselves a lot and I think they resisted getting close to use. Life in the orphanage was particularly unfair to them as they had to wash the dishes after lunch and help with the cleaning - while the boys went for naps. But they are resilient and silent and never complained.

Can't remember his name but he had the most adorable infectious smile. Beautiful little guy.






These are the twins and some of the oldest boys. They were kind of aloof at first but turned out to be so sweet and really took charge well. Mom and dad, dont they kind of remind you of Richard?




And this is my little Luini . . . absolutely unforgettable and totally loveable.

Orphanage Pictures

This is baby Bryson, the youngest child there. I spent a lot of time with him. At the end the mamas told me to stop holding him because he was getting too used to being rocked asleep and after I left they would not continue it.



This is Puis and Riziki. Puis was one of my favorites, super skinny and looks like a little old man. Riziki is one of the smartest boys there and one of the babies I took to the doctors.




This is Esther at one of her serious moments. She was sad this day, and she would get sad a lot. Megan and I took her to the doctors too.





This is Mbeke, Esther and Luini. Mbeke was a CRAXY little guy and never wore clothes that fit so I was always pulling his pants up and wiping his nose. He had this really CRAZY laughter. Luini is the little guy that didnt like to have other people touch me when he was touching me.



This is Brian, Kalvine, and another little boy. Brian is the one that was often mean but was so sweet the last day. Kalvine was a little sweetheart, could pout with the best of them. On the last day he was grabbing my butt and running away laughing so hard. Loved these kids.

Final Days

Hi everyone, so I have been spending my last few days in Africa having a really nice time. On Saturday I went to the orphanage for the last time with Megan and two of her friends who are volunteering at different schools. We had decided to meet in the morning and buy some snacks to take with us - the kids go crazy with outside snacks and love it. So we bought some cookies and some biscuits and then resolved to get Steven to get some fruit once we got there. We all squeezed on a dala-dala together (and I honestly mean that) and it was one of the funniest rides I have had in a long time. It felt like one of those clown cars, where each time you stop more and more people get out and you have to wonder - where the heck are all those people coming from? Hmm, I didn't realize there were 10 people in the backseat made for 3. We were being so goofy and it was nice to have some other people with me to share in those experiences. Sometimes when I am alone and having these experiences they can stress me out or annoy me, but its amazing what a difference it makes to have other people around to share it with you. We arrived at Camp Moses and found that all the kids from Camp Joshua (the older kids) and some other random group were visiting. It was kind of annoying. Even more annoying, all of the other random kids were dressed in these cute little uniforms. Don't get me wrong, all our kids were adorable in matching plaid clothes, but you know we had a rip here and a tear there - and being so close to obviously wealthy kids was kind of annoying - felt like they were flaunting it. So automatically we hated the other kids. We kind of grumbled around for awhile and waited for them to be done - turns out they were practicing for a church event on Sunday. Around noon their program ended and all the kids ran out to meet us - and it turned out to be a ridiculously perfect day. I don't know what it was - though I suspect it was because there were four of us - but all the kids were amazing. They wanted to be hugged and kissed and touched and teased. Most of the time most of the kids are loving, but there are a good handful that don't like to be touched and are really mean and antisocial. One kid, Brian, absolutely astounded me by letting me take his face in my hands and kiss it AND by spending some time sitting in my lap and touching my hair. ALL the kids were like that and Megan and I were so amazed and happy and just loving it. I really think it had to do with the fact that there were four of us - with 20 kids and 1 or 2 volunteers there is just not enough time or attention to go around. But with four of us we were each able to take on 5 kids - which is easy if you have one sitting on each limb and then a 5th between your legs. It's really hard to describe how amazing it was, but the kids were just so HAPPY and it made my heart feel so good to be with them when they felt so good. Another AMAZING thing was that I believe the Mamas had been following the medicine schedule I had put together - and that would have been enough to make my whole week. It can be frustrating and, in this case, scary to think what happens when that kind of basic care is not followed. So we left around 3:00 and went back into town and then I parted ways with Megan. I ran some errands and then met a friend for dinner. The friend, Hilda, had arranged the tour for Tim and I and had patiently dealt with all of my travel changes . . . we had a nice 2 hour dinner and talked about marriage and families and what goes on in her life and culture. I love getting little tidbits like that into peoples lives because I think it helps me understand the people and culture that much more.
Sunday morning was my free day - and I was happy to have it. I spent the entire day at the pool at the hotel where we had stayed for our safari - and it was nice. I kind of approached it as my 'Mombasa Day' since I was forgoing my beach activities at the end. Naturally I got a little burnt - I always forget that my antimalaria medicine makes me very sensitive to the sun. But of course I will do almost anything for a little golden glow so its all good. In the late afternoon I took the dala-dala home (which would be my last for a long time) and had a late dinner courtesy of Rosy. I spent the rest of the evening just packing and preparing for my morning bus ride to Nairobi. I spent some time before bed just reflecting about this trip and talking with my parents and trying to gauge how I really felt. I KNOW that I'm tired. I KNOW that I am ready for a break - but I guess I just don't know how ready I am to come home? I was having a really tough time thinking about this because its been such a special time in my life - and now its over. The best way to describe it is this - I will never have this again. And when I look at it like that I become incredibly sentimental and sad. I feel like such a good person here. I feel happy. I feel relaxed. I LOVE never being cold. I love never wearing proper shoes. I LOVE how people have just taken me into their lives, no questions asked. I LOVE how I have adapted to accept and welcome situations that would have annoyed me at home. and I have just LOVED the freedom. I just love so much of this and it makes me sad that it's ending. I think I need to try really hard when I come home to be this same person. To learn to be kind and happy. To make decisions that make me happy. And to just freaking CHILL out. I guess this will just be an evolving experience, something I reflect on constantly and bring out to make sure I am being the person I know I can be.
On Monday I took a bus to Nairobi and it was fine. Had to pass the border on foot again between Kenya and Tanzania - and it was funny to reflect that I was just there 9 weeks ago. And the same people were trying to cheat me. And I just had to laugh. Kind of like, I know how to do this. I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. After some travel changes I ended up at the Chelangas and had a naturally delightful time. They are such an amazing family. David was still away at school but George, Faith, Brian, Diane and Eliud were home. AND they had a host student from NH named Katie. Her and I spent the afternoon with the kids, helping with their homework and just playing around. This family is so amazing and the kids are so well educated. Found out that George passed his secondary school exams with flying colors, received an A plain grade which only 800 out of 306,000 students received. So basically he is going to start making applications to colleges and scholarships and would like to do medicine in the US. LOVE this family. In the evening we had dinner together and then we just sat around and talked. I love these kinds of conversations because we learn so much from each other. Before I went to bed I purged some of my remaining items to Katie (she is there for 2 more months and probably will need them way more than I do) and then packed again. Diane woke me up in the early morning and Eliud took me to the airport, which is where he works. My flight to London was uneventful and relatively comfortable, and that is where I am now. LONDON. Home tomorrow and then back to my other life. As my mom said, back to reality. But I like to think both places are my realities and both places are my home.
Love,
Ann

More baby updates

So it's been a very interesting past week at the orphanage. I can probably say with certainty this has been the most personally meaningful part of my trip as well as the most emotionally exhausting. I've been escaping from the storeroom since Monday and haven't looked back, enjoying spending all day with the children and learning so much more about them. So at first I was in love with the orphanage, loved what they were doing and their philosophy. Time and experience have helped reign me in a little bit, but I still do try to remind myself that they are trying. So a few things - the children change clothes twice a day. In the mornings they wear uniforms and in the afternoons they wear play clothes. The only problem is that both sets of clothes have been in circulation way too long and are always torn and dirty and ratty. Given my 8+ hours of experience in the storeroom, I know how much clean, new clothing they have. And I know, that needs to be balanced with the understanding that they don't have a ton of resources, but I mean if you have clean clothes and there is a need for them, what's the point of keeping everything packed away? Another thing is hygiene and learning about taking care of illness. The Momas just dont have time for it or don't care or don't understand. The kids never wash their hands. They are always picking up trash off the ground and putting it in their mouth. By the end of the day my pockets are filled with junk I have confiscated from little mouths. The floors are washed by hand each day but because of the ridiculous amount of dirt and dusk, and because the children walk around barefoot a lot, the floors are dirty about 25 seconds after they are cleaned. Don't even ask about the bathrooms. The beds in the girls rooms have sheets but I have no idea how often they are washed. In the boys room most beds dont have sheet and the little mattresses are placed in the sun (not washed) after they get peed on at night. In terms of health, kids will just suffer here until someone forces the management to take them to a doctor. Ever since I organized the medicine, everyone assumes I am a doctor and all the sick and hurt kids come to me. I brought some anti-bacterial spray to use on the kids because it cleans the wounds and doesn't hurt them. Regardless of how helpful I tell them it is, they use dirty cotton balls to spread painful iodine all over the kids - which results in crying kids. They also don't believe in bandaids. . . which if this was a sterile world might make sense. But this might be the least sterile place on the planet. Babies all over here are sick and the Momas always just tell me to give them something - which I won't. I refuse to just randomly give medicine to anyone, except adults. We finally convinced them to let us (Megan is a volunteer here that just came back from vacation) take three kids to the doctors, though I swear they could all go in for a checkup. One of the kids, a really really smart little boy, had a really bad infection behind his ear that was pussing and draining constantly, and ringworm. The momas tried to convince me that it happened last week but it's just not possible. He could not have bathed for an entire week without coming and crying about the pain. At first they told me to just put something on it . . . and I said no. The second, a 3 1/2 little girl, has some serious mental health issues that need to be adddressed (saw some horrific things and of course will never see a therapist) and has been very sick lately. She wets herself often and falls asleep all the time. The third, the baby, had some serious ringworm and a really bad chest cough. So off we went this morning to a village doctor. Megan and I knew ahead of time that the Mama with us did not bring any money (which brings up other issues of lack of planning or did they expect the white people to pay?) and were secretly counting our money to make sure we had enough in the event the Mama definitely didn't bring any money - which she didn't and we paid . . . I did most of the talking with the doctor and made sure I understood the diagnosis and what medicines each kid was supposed to take. When we got back I made up a daily chart for who gets what medicine and made sure the teachers knew all about it. One major highlight of the day - the one little boy tested negative for HIV. Megan and I were just kind of sitting in fear waiting to see the outcome and were SO RELIEVED when we learned he was just normal little kid sick.
So this is kind of what my days are like here. Incredible highs when playing or talking with the little kids, and incredible lows when I learn what they have been through, how long they have actually been here (some their whole lives)and an even lower low when I realize how little they are getting of what they need. It's an interesting problem, because I see so much mismanagement on the part of the adults, so how do you fix it? I met a woman whose sister raised a lot of money for this place, but having lived here for 25+ years she absolutely knew better than to just hand over money. Instead she is getting mosquito nets for each of the kids, getting running water at the camp for older kids, and some other thinsg. But she knew that if she just gave money it was all POOF disappear. And Mama (head mama) tries hard, but she is managing all of this on her own and does not know too much about the daily operations, so she misses out on so much. Like I said, I have been trying to not be too critical of the management here, but I just look around me and I see these beautiful children who just need SO MUCH. I mean, kids don't really need a lot. A little food, a little love, a little safety and a little attention. But it's clear, with how fucked up some of these children are, that their parents really had to TRY to mess them up. And that part I just can't seem to get over . . . Nights have been hard for me because I just go home and reflect and get mad and annoyed and stressed out . . . but in the end there is little I can do but love the children and fight for them while I am here. It's been a journey and I am definitely tired. ..
Love,
Ann

Orphanage Update

Hi everyone . . . so an update on my last few days. Since Sunday I have been going to the orphanage from about 8am - 4pm. It's a pretty long day and I'm both exhausted and DIRTY when I get home. So originally Happiness had told me that she wanted me to focus on cleaning up the storeroom. So first thing Monday morning Steven (storeroom manager) and I headed in and started to work. The storeroom is just a small room off the kitchen - and the kitchen is just a small cement room used to cook food over a wood fire. So the kitchen and the storeroom are very very smoky, and the storeroom is disgustingly dirty. The entire first day I was coughing and filthy and just generally annoyed. We got about 1/3 done but I was just dreading going back into that storeroom. Lucky for me, things have changed. So on Tuesday morning both Happiness and Steven were caught up in other activities at other locations, so I was forced to make myself useful with the kids and have been having a great time with them ever since. There are 13 boys and 6 girls. The youngest is a 14-month old baby that I spend a lot of time with. The children are pretty much scheduled all day and there are two teachers. Unfortunately the students are split by sex so one very unlucky new teacher has all 13 boys . . . and remember that all kids are under 7. I've been having a great and sad time just trying to love them. So usually I spend the morning with the baby. He came when he was one year old and at that point he had never made a sound, didn't have any hair, couldn't crawl and barely sat up. There is a marked change in him and he is definitely gaining ground, but he is still very small and he takes each meal like its his last. I also discovered this morning that he has ringworm so hopefully that can be treated soon. So I've spoiled him - the orphanage has a few Momas who do the cooking and cleaning and I can't be too critical, but they tend to get very lazy and can sometimes be mean to the kids. And really, childrearing is very different here. I rarely see babies cry or whine. It just doesnt happen. So when the baby whines or cries and the Mamas ignore it, it breaks my heart. I can usually gauge nap time so the baby and I are now in the habit of rocking (walking) him to sleep in my arms with his head on my heart. And we do it twice a day and the little guy can tell the second that he leaves my arms because he always starts crying. Another thing about him - they don't use diapers too often here because of the cost. So babies just wear clothes which means that once its wet, evrything has to be changed. It's kind of annoying and yesterday I got peed on about 3 1/2 times. Once the baby is down for a nap, I usually go play with the kids during their breaks or help out in class. It can be very heartbreaking. The girls, like most women in Tanzania, are strong, quiet and resilent. They will smile and touch my hand but otherwise stick to themselves. The boys, on the other hand, are interesting. It's sad because its obvious that some of these kids need more attention and love then they will ever get here. Some of the boys, when I touch them, almost curl up like little kittens, just begging to get hugged or kissed. One of the boys becomes almost maniac if someone else tries to touch me while he is touching me. He absolutely needs to feel like he has someone to himself - and thats impossible with 20 children. I try to spend a decent amount of time with him each day, just talking or swinging or holding hands. There is another little boy who honestly goes limp when touched, he just needs it so bad. There is a set of twin boys who remind me of my cousin Richard (its the nose and mischevious behavior) and they can be very rough sometimes. There is one little boy who is just off the charts mean and he never listens and always uses violence. Its impossible to blame them because they don't know any different and because no one has time to be just with them - but that doesnt make it any easier for the staff. One of my favorite times of the day is shower time, which takes place around 11am. The kids shower by sex, and the 'showerroom' is a cement room with no door and faucets that don't work. Buckets of water are brought in, and then 13 little boys come traipsing in their little towels. The first time I was in there I didn't know what to do - and yes, someone needs to be in there. Otherwise NO washing would ever get done. It's a freaking zoo. Little boys peeing everywhere, on my feet, showing me how far they can be, showing me what they pee with, comparing penises, touching, and generally just running around. I got used to the pee on my feet (since the babies pees all over the rest of me) but it is damn near impossible to get anything done. Usually one of the teachers has to come in and then wash each child. Today we worked in tandem, she washed and then sent them to me. I dried, put vasoline on the babies (under 3) and then dressed everyone. It was exhausting. Very little of the clothing is new or matches, so its a struggle to find the kids clothes that are clean, dont have holes, and look presentable. I also spend a lot of time trying to disciple, though that is impossible too. So many know only violence or hitting and in fact most of the Mamas threaten to 'beat' the kids when they don't listen. I spend a lot of my time drying tears and trying to stop fights. Its not that the kids don't like each other - moments after the fight they are back playing, but its just all they know. I've tried as best as I can to just focus on them and on loving them, but its discouraging to see how much they really need and to know how little they will really get - and that's not to say that they don't do a good job - they just dont have all the resources . . .
Okay, I have to go home to Rosy now. Its dinner in a few hours and I need to prepare for our usual argument where she tells me I didn't eat enough (after she puts enough food for 5 people in front of me) and I tell her that I ate too much. Ahhh the routines we fall into!
I hope everyone is doing well. Been catching the news and just find myself very lucky - madagascar has been having a lot of trouble since about 5 days after I left, and now it looks like there are some problems stirring up in Nairobi. Major protests and a student death yesterday related to the extra-judicial killings of some human rights workers in the middle of the city. I'm happy to be heading home - and when I go to Nairobi I'll go directly from the airport to the Chelangas house and then back the next morning . . .so no worries about me!
Love,
Ann

New Plans

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. I started at the orphanage yesterday and things are going well. It's a very very dirty job and when I come home at the end of the way I am usually a little grumpy, but today I was able to rock one of the babies to sleep and play soccer with the boys, so I was happy for it. The kids here are generally pretty happy, though really quiet, and I think the director does a good job. I've also been very happy to come home to Rosy, who always has a smile on her face and makes the best damn dinners! (Michael Korsak - she is used to cooking for Indians so basically I eat great Indian food each night!) Evenings are quiet for me since I am in the house alone, so I usually just read the 4 week old Economist that Tim brought or something I can find in the house. Lights out by 9:30 and then up at 6:45 to catch my dala-dalas - which is actually proving to be one of the easiest parts so far. I'm generally really happy, but also just very very tired. It's kind of a tired that has set in the past few weeks and I am extremely ready to come home. It's week 10 now and I'm tired of being away from home, tired of adjusting, and tired of not being able to hear people on the phone when they call. I think having Tim here also brought some of it on - I kind of had my two separate worlds collide and it made me realize just how far away I really am. Last I wrote I was going to be at the orphanage until this coming weekend and then head to Mombasa and then come home. But right after I asked the agent to book the tickets to Mombasa I started to change my mind. I had always wanted to end my trip on a beach, but once things were all priced out, it was an expensive time at the beach that still needed a lot of planning (and money). So after a lot of thinking and some conversations, I have cancelled my trip to Mombasa, gotten some of my money back, and rescheduled all my flights so that I come home a week early! Which also means that I get a week and a half at home before I need to go back to work! So, absolutely no regrets and I am happy to come home while everything is still positive and happy here. I don't know how many more entries I will make before I come home, but I am so glad that all of you have been able to follow along and be with me for this trip. I look forward to talking to all of you and sharing stories and pictures. Thanks again for all your support!
Love,
Ann