Morogoro and Beyond

OKAY, so, it’s been awhile since I have written and for that I am very sorry. Probably sorrier than you the reader are . . . do you know what it’s like to have over a week without decent internet access? It’s hard . . . very hard. So I had planned on starting this blog entry off with a good discussion of what I had done in the past 10 days . . . but then Mama Loyce and I went out to dinner tonight and her and I got into a discussion, which morphed into an argument, which anywhere else would qualify as a fight. With the outcome being that our car ride home was very very quiet. Maybe I haven’t talked about Loyce as much as I should, and maybe when I say that she is difficult you the readers haven’t understood how much of an understatement that could be at times (but please also realize that she can be very very generous and kind too). But so we were out at dinner tonight talking about my time in Dodoma and Morogoro and I made that statement that I hated the term mzungu (see my last post) and that I had asked the women in the other cities to not call me that. And anyway, we had a lot of back and forth (her calling me childish and me calling her ridiculous). A high point was when she said I could survey those women later and they would all say they hated me (what?!?!). But anyway, it just reinforces this point for me that Mzungu is not a nice term. It’s a term used by people who don’t have the education or care to learn someone’s name. Her argument was that it is the culture . . . but as I have seen many many times here, culture eventually becomes a crutch for people. They don’t risk, or change, or grow, because culture does not allow it. So anyway . . . not sure where I was planning to go with that tonight, but it has me so annoyed. I feel like I have tried so hard here to conform to culture – eat the way you want me to, talk the way you want me to, sleep and live and shit the way you want me to . . . all without complaints and nothing but a genuine smile. So if my one complaint is that people practice a bit of racism here, I think it’s a valid complaint that should be entertained? Yes? No?

OKAY . . . so starting with Friday, February 13, 2009. This was my last day in Dodoma with the TAWE women and it was definitely a hectic day. In the morning I had dropped off a khanga at the tailor. As stated before, I needed another khanga like I needed a holw in the head – so I decided to get this new fabric turned into a skirt. So I went to the tailor in the morning and dropped another fabric off with some vague instructions of having some kind of pencil skirt design made. Then I went right away to the internet café to work on my portion of the FOT grant that I had been working on with the Dodoma women. So my instruction to them had been that they had to fill in two sections themselves (history and banking info) and that I would fill in most of the 3rd section myself. Once we had some more info we could finalize the third section and then submit. So I had high expectations (or so I thought) to complete my part. I spent the entire morning doing some research and the finally writing my pieces. I had set a 2:00 meeting to go over everything with the chapter, but in the end no one really showed up. It was kind of a disappointment but not totally unexpected. It has been like this the entire way. Happy met me after and we went to the tailor to pick up my skirt – but he was taking too long. We made him promise to finish it by 9:00am the next morning and then left to talk home. In the evening Grace took Happy and I to a Send-off party with her. I can’t remember how much of this I have discussed before, but here is some more info – for women there are three major events prior and during marriage celebrations. First there is the Kitchen Party. This is an event where the bride is attended to by all of her female friends and family members. The women speak in general terms of how the woman should adjust to married life and how she should please her man. In addition to this event the bride-to-be is matched with an elder woman. The elder woman spends a lot of time with her talking about very private things, such as sex and what it entails and how to please a man. I should stress that this is considered a very private event and no one talks about what occurs during this time so I can’t say for sure. I think in this time period it might be outdated since most women are not virgins, but in village settings it is very useful where women still have no idea what takes place during sex or what the mechanics include. The second event is the Send-off. This is attended by the bride-to-be and her future husband, though he sits in the audience and is generally indistinguishable. This is basically the party where her family prepares to send her off to her husband’s family. There is an exchange of gifts and it’s a very long event. The woman is not supposed to smile or laugh. In fact, she kind of has to act scared at the prospect of leaving her family. The final event is the wedding. But all three events are of equal importance and the family and family friends spend a lot of money on these things. All three events have MCs and halls and cakes and food and drinks. It’s kind of crazy. . . so I’ve digressed. But anyway I went to a Send-off. It was interesting to see and learn about but the most important thing I took away was that it is TOO LONG. I was there for 6 hours. I tell you . . . too much.
On Saturday, February 14 (also known as Valentine’s Day) was on a bus to Morogoro. So my time in Dodoma was over. I try not to reflect too often on whether or not I did any good. I think I know the answer to that and it’s kind of unsettling. So Saturday morning I got up early, went to the tailor to pick up my last remaining skirt, and then Atu, Grace, and Happy took me to the bus station. It was hard to leave them – it is always hard to leave. I tend to find my time a bit mystifying, exhausting and overwhelming, but in the end its terribly hard to be so welcomed into someone’s home, learn all about their struggles and triumphs, and then have to leave. Perhaps that is what makes me the most tired, all the leaving. I need some stability here people. So the bus ride was uneventful. There were a few members and staff from Parliament on the bus, some that I had met at the music event the previous week with Mama Kiyah’s band. So I felt in okay hands. And, as usual, a bus ride that was to take only 2 ½ hours took like 4. I am getting used to this now but sometimes its still frustrating. Waiting to pick me up at the Morogoro bus station where my Morogoro hosts, Rose and Christine. Just a bit of info, Christine is a Tanzanian women married to a Dutch man (meaning $$$$) and Rose is the youngest TAWE member at 30. So they picked me up and drove me to Rose’s home. So there are many things I cannot completely go into here because I don’t want these women to know how much I could expose or how much I have learned, but let me say that nothing is what it appears on the surface. They took me to Rose’s house where she lives with her husband and 6-year old daughter Irene. Irene, who later becamse the hardest person EVER to leave, is the sweetest silliest little girl ever. My visit was defined by her just sitting next to me on the floor chatting in Swahili in hours. I would often have to stop her with ‘beautiful little girl, you know I don’t understand you.’ To which she would rightly reply ‘But why Auntie?’ ‘Because I don’t speak Swahili . . .’ ‘But why Auntie?’ which in afterthought is perhaps the best question possible. The morning I had to leave Irene I cried like I had not cried in a long time. So in some respects Rose’s home was much nicer than others. She had an actual shower, though the water was very dirty and very cold. And she had a toilet (hole in the floor) that had a flusher. Morogoro also had a ton or fruits and vegetables. Finally, Morogoro was beautiful. Kind of tropical, set in the mountains with a lot of green plants. Besides of the islands of Dar, probably the most beautiful place I had sent yet in Tanzania. Rose is also the most beautiful Tanzanian woman I had seen so far, and her husband Gasper was definitely the best looking man I had seen too. So I spent the night with the family just settling in. I had attempted to watch a movie but Irene would NOT stop talking. At one point she brought out a pick and was doing my hair. I swear, do all 6-year olds talk that much? I have no idea.
On Sunday morning the entire family took me and a sister-in-law and child to the Mikumi National Park. I was happy to do ths because I had read about it and heard it was a nice little place to visit. I was totally wrong about how great it was. Right away we say tons of animals, including elephants, gazelles, zebras, buffalo and giraffe. On top of that we saw a lion, crocodiles, and hippos. We took a cake that I had brought with me from Dodoma (courtesy of Grace) and we had some sodas and had just a nice little day relaxing. Something to mention. I have found in Africa that family children or neighbor children are your children. So on this trip I had Irene and her two-year old cousin Soneeia. And I love children. So basically I spent the entire trip with a child or two on my lap. We had a few adults squeezed into the back of the car, so I only felt it was fair that I had one or both children in the front seat on my lap. It was really nice for me, probably one of the few times I have felt like a mother or very domestic since I have been here. I think it also helped keep me from missing my nephews too much. So we did the tour in the park and I got a lot of great picture and had a really nice time. And then on the way home I sat in the back and had Soneeia lying asleep across my legs (welcome to Africa car child safety) and then Irene was tucked under my left arm sound asleep. It was a nice feeling for me and I tried my best to make them comfortable.
On Monday I went with Christine, a TAWE Dodoma member. She is married to a Dutch man and has two very successful bars in the area. She is a truly WONDERFUL woman. She has this extraordinary energy and she brings life to everything. Being with her made me so happy and made me laugh so much. We spent all morning on Monday just talking about her life and about Tanzanian women and how much they struggle. And as always I learned a lot. In the afternoon I had lunch with her and her son and his fiancé. I wont go into too much detail since I have os much to write, but Christine is an amazing woman and I wish more people (myself included) had her energy and love for life. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent meeting with different women and learning about their businesses. I spent some time with a Mama who raises kukus (chickens) for eggs, a Mama who has a small shop selling khangas, and a few meetings with all the leadership. I have to say, this has been the most impressive group of TAWE women so far. They are much more ‘village’ than the Dar women yet they do so much with what they have. One Mama has several hundred acres that she is farming and hopes to buy a tractor, another has several of her own businesses, another does this and another does that. They are trying to start their own sub-chapter and they are trying to start their own business together as a chapter (selling fish). In all I have seen so much more participation. One thing to remark on for Wednesday afternoon. I had an event with the entire chapter and it was really neat. So they call contributed money to buy food and then one Mama spent the entire day preparing. In the afternoon we had chicken, vegetables, potatoes and chili. I was introduced to the entire chapter, we had some speeches (myself included), some dancing (reluctantly I was involved) and then some giftgiving (where I was the only receipient). It is incredible how gracious and kind these women are. I received a khanga and a traditional food cover. I showed my appreciation by dancing a bit and shaking my hips to make everyone laugh. While we were dancing Christine happened to share with me that she wears ushangas. Ushangas are a tradition of the Kitchen Party. Ushangas are beaded jewelry that you wear around your hips. They are big enough that they don’t fall off of you, but small enough that you hardly notice and are comfortable. So Chrstine had some and in a moment of dancing showed them off. I just loved them. So later they told me all about them, how at your Kitchen party your family and friends give you a ton and how on your wedding night your stomach and hips are decorated in beads. Then, depending on tribe, you wear them forever. So I fell in love with the idea. I am a total feminist, but the idea of having something that no one sees but your love is pretty powerful. Christine and I talked about them and in the end her gift to me was a set of two Ushangas which I have now worn around my hips for several days. And I love them.
On Thursday I finished up my trip to Morogoro and the TAWE women took me into the village to meet a group of women who also make their own pottery (similar to Dodoma). It was an interesting experience for me and I always love to see how people outside of the large cities live. I love to see the children and the houses and just watch. I had on TAWE member remark that I was not paying attention to ‘the program.’ This kind of made me angry and I took a few minutes to stop and think about it and then went back to her and explained that as long as they women were working to make money to improve their lives, then yes, their children and their homes were just as important as their pottery.
On Friday morning I prepared to leave Morogoro. So I have no spoken a lot about Rose, my host, but I truly loved her. She is the TAWE member closest to my age and one of the sweetest women ever. Most of the time she is far away, her mind always working on some problem or stressing on something. But no matter what she had the best smile ever. In some ways I felt very far away from her and in others we were as close as can be. But on Friday morning we went to visit Irene at school so that I could say goodbye. I stood in front of the class as all 35 children said ‘Good morning, how are you?’ in English. It was all very sweet and I loved it, but it was awful to have to bend down and tell Irene how beautiful she was and how much I was going to miss her and how much I loved her. As I stood up Rose and I held hands and we went outside and cried and hugged each other.
I can’t even begin to explain it, but it was so hard. I spend the rest of the day, including after I got on the bus, alternating between laughing and crying with Rose. I will love that family so much, as much as I have loved all of these other women as well.
I arrived in Dar in the afternoon and was taken to Loyce;s house. I have to say, Loyce annoys the shit out of me but she is reliable and predictable and comfortable. As we pulled up to her house I saw Edina outside and was just so happy to be ‘home’ and have something I recognized. When Loyce got home I convinced her to travel with me to Zanzibar the following morning. So Loyce and I spent Sat Feb 21 – Mon Feb 23 in Zanzibar. I can probably go into it a lot more, but I had a pretty decent time. At some points I regretted having gone with her (like when she orders me around) and at other times I was very grateful (like when she can negotiate a good rate or explain things to me). We took the ferry to Zanzibar and then took some shared transport north to Kendwa where we spent two nights sleeping in a bungalow and the days swimming on the beach. Another bonus for me, Loyce does not know how to swim. So if I got annoyed, I just went swimming.
So it is now Monday and I have just returned from Zanzibar. I have found myself to be a bit cranky lately and I hope I come out of it soon. I think I just miss showers and toilets and clean water and air conditioning and just feeling clean. But these are all minor complaints because I AM HAVING A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE. Sometimes it is hard for me to recognize that and sometimes I don’t even see it, but every once in awhile when I can step back and absorb what I am doing, I can see how truly powerful this experience is. It’s hard to believe that I am heading home in almost 4 weeks!
So tomorrow is a rest day and then I hard to Arusha on a bus (which is supposed to take like 8 hours but knowing Africa it will take like 12). At that point Tim will arrive from the states and we will have a nice 8 days visiting the northern circuit of Tanzania, including the Serengeti, Ngorogoro crater and Lake Manyara. I am thinking that this taste of luxury and relaxation will help get some of my energy back and I’ll be ready to tackle the last 2 ½ weeks of my visit.
I hope everyone is doing well. I had some nice emails from Brenda and Maya, so thanks for that. I also had an amazing call from my best friend Casey Stell. It was a short call but very uplifting and I was so happy to hear from her. Take care and be well. I will be on true Safari for the next week or so and I cannot guarantee a good entry until afterwards!

Love,
Ann